Why is it Always My Fault?

Why is it so easy to think that everything is my fault? I think almost everyone on the planet feels this way--even the people who blame everyone else are probably just trying to rid themselves of feelings of guilt and blame. Even in situations where it's fairly obvious who's fault it is, we still want to find some way to make it our fault.

This seems to be especially noticeable in children. When we are children--and even in young adulthood--we think our parents are gods. We wouldn't say it, but that's really what our beliefs about our parents boil down to. We think that they cannot make mistakes, that everything they say is right, and therefore any time we are hurt in our relationship with our parents it is somehow our fault. Somehow we end up believing that we deserve any hurt that our parents give us. For some this is not a lot of hurt, because their parents were fairly good parents. But for others, they experience deep hurt and grow up believing that somehow it's their fault, they deserved it, or it's just the way life is.

So we grow up thinking that everything is our fault, that somehow if we were only good enough, obedient enough, or if we tried hard enough, or hid enough of ourselves so as not to overwhelm people, then we could get the love and acceptance we need. Somehow, taking the blame makes it easier, because then we can fix it and get what we want, what we need out of that relationship.

But life's not that simple, and you can't just pin the blame on one person and expect that that will somehow make it better. Because really, it's never just one person who's at fault. That one person had one person in their life who hurt them, causing them to act out of hurt, and the person that hurt them had been hurt, and so on. We live in a fallen world where people get hurt by other people who have been hurt. Really, we can pinpoint the blame exactly to one source, the source of all sin, suffering, deception, and evil.

Most people don't want to believe in a real Satan who is really at work in this world. Because of my upbringing I haven't had much trouble accepting this, but it seems that even many Christians don't want to say that it's all the devil's fault and he's just wreaking havoc throughout this earth. Why? What is it about the idea of one force behind all evil that we are so eager to reject? Is it, perhaps, that we still struggle with the idea of a real, present God who really cares? Is it because we haven't experienced God as real so we're not ready to realize the reality of evil?

Just admitting the reality of satan is not enough, though. I would have told you there was such a thing as satan if you'd asked me 10+ years ago, but it is only now that I am starting to realize that this means nothing has to be my fault, but it doesn't have to be the other person's fault either. I can admit the presence of darkness that is trying to ruin my relationships and focus my anger there and my love on the person I am at odds with.

I think that the biggest reason why it took me so long to stop blaming myself is this: I thought that if I stopped blaming myself then I would have to start blaming another person. I knew it would be wrong to do that, so instead of looking for another solution I just kept blaming myself (even though I knew that was wrong too). Really, blaming yourself and blaming others all comes down to the same thing: not recognizing where the true blame lies. If we do nothing but try to pin the blame on another human being we are wasting time that could be spent in beautiful God-honoring relationship.

But I think that it may be true that before we can see that the devil is at the root of this we have to see that God is really real, and we have to experience God as being really real. Experiencing God is what leads us to experiencing real, true life now, life in relationship with the most beautiful, powerful, perfect, loving being there ever was or ever will be.