Submissive or Subservient
66When God Says "Turn the Other Cheek"
I am naturally a rather passive person, so it is easy for me to take statements such as "turn the other cheek" to rather ridiculous extremes on occassion. I have been struggling lately with defining just how far I am to go in doing for other people until it becomes being for other people instead of being for God.
We all, I'm sure, have at least one person in our life who would like to control us, whether it is through force and intimidation or through need and manipulation. The difficult question is how we are to respond to these people in everyday situations, for God did not call us to live lives under the control of other people--unless of course you are a wife or a child, in which case the rules are different. So how do I say no in a loving, God-glorifying way?
The difficulty truly does lie in everyday situations for me. When someone just makes requests of me all of the time (turn this on, go get that, put this away, clean up a mess, etc.) and I end up not accomplishing my goals, how do I say no? That kind of person is quick to point out that "it's just a little favor, it's not that big of a deal, why won't I just do it?" I don't want to be rude and say "you're eating my time, you're running my life, and you're a controlling, dominating person," but I'm really not sure how to respond. So I keep saying yes.
It's hard for me to think about what Jesus would do in that kind of situation, because it is hard to imagine some person trying to control God and tell him what to do, where to go, and who to be. He's just too big to be subject to that kind of thing (except for when He was a child, but like I said, the rules are different then).
The best thing I can think of to do is to talk to that person, but it is hard to imagine stopping and having a conversation every time it happens (because truly I am trying to get things done). Is that the road of sacrifice I ought to take in this situation? Because I'm sure that whatever the answer is it will require some measure of loving sacrifice.
I can't just ignore her, but it seems like saying no never really works out for me either. Perhaps my sacrifice is to allow her to think what she will of me, but not be subservient to her. That could be the hardest sacrifice of all, to resist arguing in defense of my name and simply allow her to feel how she will about me. It is so natural to jump to my own defense when I am insulted or labeled with a less-than-complimentary remark, and defying natural responses is often what God asks of us.
Whatever I do, I need to make sure that my true goal is to be what God wants and love the way He wants me to, not to save myself or defend myself from abuse. Then I will have a chance to find what He really wants for me, not what I think He wants or what I want His will to be.
If anyone has any suggestions I will gladly take them.
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Establishing boudaries is often necessary. As you well know, it comes down to praying and obeying and living to please God rather than man. I hope you receive the respect and appreciation you deserve from your loved ones. You strike me very much as being someone who is giving, kind and selfless - very much a daughter of the King! At the same time, remember our God loves us fiercely and that He is a Warrior - not only does He fight for our hearts, He's also the one who vindicates us (something I also have to remember, not to attempt things in my own strength but to surrender issues to him and trust and allow Him to work through it all, on my behalf). I agree w/ Mr. Marmalade in that the name Patience Virtue very much suits you.
After reading some of your other hubs about relationships, in some ways I wish I were more like you. Life is challenging isn't it? I am always ready to embrace my loved ones w/ open arms and I know when they hurt me, I need to let it go...think this may be a generational curse from my mothers side which I may not yet be totally free of. At the same time, there are so many other people in my life and everyone has some sort of need. For those who don't appreciate or want to understand me, I don't waste much of my time pursuing them and have accepted and am at peace w/ having an attitude of "I'm done" and hopefully, it's just temporary and not forever.....
You are absolutely right, Christine, that I need to remember that God is the one that vindicates me. I just hope you don't think from reading my hubs that I have all of my relationships together: it is one thing to know truth and another altogether to live it.
I guess my struggle in all of this is trying to figure out what to do when people ask me to fill them instead of God, when they ask so much of me that they actually take me away from other relationships. How do I deal with that in a way that still shows unconditional love for the other person?
I want to say, be honest and encouraging. I'm assuming some of the people in your life are not only immature in terms of their development as a child of God, but also in age. As you know, we live in a fallen world, and our society I think now more than ever, encourages the natural tendency is to put SELF first. My recent revelation as someone who always wants to "fix" things or offer solutions is sometimes people just want to be heard, just want some empathy and really don't want advise or to hear the truth. So if we are going to share our perspectives, I think we need to do it by asking questions in order to help others think and arrive at their own realization or "ah ha" moment rather than straight up telling them how it is. This is what counselors do and it's definitely a practiced skill. I know this is how the Lord speaks to us a lot of the time as well in an effort to be firm but gentle. With those of us humans who tend to be more prideful as opposed to humble, I know from experience in some of my relationships people, will shut down (close off) if they aren't in a place to receive and hear truth. Hope this may provide some further insight/be of help.
Yeah, I definitely understand what you are saying. I still am left with the question of what to do with needy people in my life, people who don't want to fix me or tell me what to do but want me to give them everything they need emotionally and spiritually. How do I love them without trying to be their everything?
I guess it just depends on the situation, and perhaps it is something that is best determined by God on a case-by-case basis.
simpletone 4 years ago
I think you are on the right track. My only comment is about your sideline statement that you couldn't imagine someone bossing God around. I've heard others do it all the time in their prayers. It is just as absurd as you make it sound but people really do it. This may be off track somewhat, but I even think that our religious systems of putting God in different boxes that we decide He should be in is "controlling God",too.